The Very Model of a Modern Glaciologist

A “poster preview video” for the 2012 IGS meeting in Fairbanks. This is about the same project I’ll be presenting at AGU.

Lyrics:
I am the very model of a modern glaciologist
I’m master of all manner of arcane and icy knowledges
My derivation of the flow law rivals that of Dr. Glen
My icy glare can cause a melting glacier to refreeze again
My glacier surveys show my unmatched skill with a theodolite
I outdrink all my colleagues after seminar on Thursday night
The NSIDC sends me their data sets to analyze
I leap crevasses meters wide to save an ice core from demise

I’m here to demonstrate to you this model stuffed with elegance
Developed with the use of my superlative intelligence
It seeks to show why graphs of crystal fabric from depths Stygian
Can oscillate and swivel in a manner callipygian
The foremost of our multitude of possible hypotheses
Was that the ice preserved the stamp of ancient surface processes
To substitute for nonexistent measurements empirical
We based it on pure physics from the realm where cows are spherical

I reasoned that since snowflakes sometimes grow as columns, some as plates
Why shouldn’t grains within the snowpack lend themselves to sim’lar fates?
I made ten thousand crystals and then grew them all stochastically
And let simple diffusion change their size and numbers drastically
The output is a credit to my wit and perspicacity
And several high-speed processors all running at capacity
Come marvel at my poster and admire all my knowledges
For I’m the very model of a modern glaciologist